The birth mother who changed how I see open adoption

I had a conversation with my sister-in-law last Sunday that really made me think. She gave up her daughter 14 years ago and always kept it closed, but lately she started talking with the adoptive family. She told me she regrets not opening it sooner because now her daughter is 16 and wants nothing to do with her. I always thought closed adoption was cleaner and easier, but hearing her say 'I missed 14 years I could have had some contact' hit different. Has anyone else had a closed adoption that they wish they had opened up earlier?

2 comments

2 Comments

benbrown14d agoMost Upvoted

You said "peace of mind matters too" but what about the kid's peace of mind in all this?

rowan_hayes14d ago

Closed adoptions work great for tons of people though, especially when the birth parent isn't in a stable place or the kid's family wants a clean break. Your sister-in-law's situation is sad for sure, but that one painful case doesn't mean open is always better, you know? Lots of adoptive parents and birth moms swear by the boundaries a closed setup gives them, and that peace of mind matters too.