That one week I had three phone calls with my son's adoptive mom and it actually felt good

Honestly, most of the time those calls feel tense and I overthink every word I say. But last Tuesday through Friday something shifted. She called me on Tuesday just to share a funny story about him at school where he tried to trade his lunch for extra recess time. Then on Thursday she sent me a video of him playing soccer and I could actually see his mannerisms that look like mine. By Friday I wasn't dreading the weekly check in call and we even laughed about something silly. It was the first time in 12 years that I didn't feel like the birth mom in the shadows. Has anyone else had a stretch where the awkwardness just kind of melted away for a few days?

2 comments

2 Comments

james_ross21d ago

Man that's really something. It sounds like you caught a glimpse of how things could be if everyone just relaxed a little. I've noticed this same thing happens in all kinds of relationships, not just adoption stuff. Like with old friends or family members you haven't seen in a while, sometimes you just hit a patch where everything clicks and all the weirdness disappears. Those moments are rare but they show you what's possible when people stop guarding themselves.

karenlee20d ago

Adopted people often carry pressure to be grateful, and that can shut down real connection more than anything else. When that guard drops, it's not just relaxing - it's finally being allowed to be a normal person instead of a symbol.