Shifted from calling my son's adoptive mom "the mother" to using her name

For the first three years after placement, I always referred to her as "his mother" or "the mom" when talking to friends or in support groups. It felt like a way to acknowledge her role and keep distance for my own sanity. But last year, during a visit where she brought photos of his first day of preschool, I realized I was holding back. Saying "his mom" made me feel like I was erasing my own place in the story. So I started just using her first name, Sarah. It sounds simple, but it changed the whole tone of conversations. Now I can talk about her as a person, not a title. Has anyone else dealt with shifting how they name the adoptive parent over time?

2 comments

2 Comments

robert_jones18d ago

Shifted from that label myself around year four. Calling her "the mom" all the time kept me in a box, like I wasn't allowed to be anything more than that. Using her name just made everything feel less rigid and more like two people raising a kid together.

drew_west18d ago

@robert_jones that part about the label keeping him in a box hits hard. Makes you wonder how many other little labels we put on each other without even realizing.