Pushing for open adoption like it was the only answer for 3 years

I used to push so hard for open adoption with my son's family, checking in every month, sending photos, even visiting twice a year. But after he turned 4 last summer, I realized the visits were confusing him - his mom told me he kept calling me "the lady who comes for cake." So I stepped way back to birthday cards and emails only, and honestly? It's been better for everyone. Has anyone else found that less contact actually helped the kid settle in better?

2 comments

2 Comments

alice9913d ago

Did your son's mom say anything about how he handled the switch? A buddy of mine went through something similar with his daughter's adoptive family, and he said the visits got harder as she got older and started asking questions. He switched to just letters and it took about six months but she finally stopped asking when "the nice lady" was coming for cake again.

thea_carter3d ago

Oh man, that's rough. So basically the "nice lady" went from being a fun guest to a confusing memory of someone who visits but doesn't stay. I mean, at least the kid stopped asking about cake, silver lining I guess? But yeah, it sounds like the older they get the more they figure out what's really going on, and that's gotta be a whole new level of awkward for everyone involved. Idk, maybe the moral here is just don't be the nice lady with the cake unless you're ready for the long haul.