My therapist told me I was holding onto anger at my birth mom, and she was right

I spent about 6 months telling myself I was fine with my birth mom's decision to give me up. Then my therapist asked me one question: "What would you say to her if she was in this chair right now?" I broke down crying for like 10 minutes straight. After that session I started writing letters I never sent, just to get it out of my head. It took 3 more months of talking it through, but I finally get why she did what she did. Has anyone else had a therapist call them out on feelings they didn't even know they had?

2 comments

2 Comments

aaron_flores8417d ago

lol "3 more months of talking it through" and you finally "get why she did it"? Sounds like your therapist talked you into forgiving someone who straight up abandoned you. She gave you up, that's the only fact that matters. You're allowed to be mad forever without having to wrap it in a neat little bow just so you feel better about it.

emery_hall17d ago

The thing nobody's talking about is how the anger itself can be a weird kind of security blanket. Like, you hold onto it because letting it go means you gotta face a whole new set of feelings you aren't ready for yet. For me, it was the guilt of not being mad anymore that was the hardest part. I was scared it meant I was betraying the kid version of myself who was hurt. Then the real kicker was realizing I was more pissed at the system that made her feel like she had no choice than at her. That's where the real work started, not the forgiveness part.