Met my birth mom face to face for the first time last spring in Boise

I used to just send letters through the agency and wait months for a reply. But after 4 years of that, my daughter set up a meeting through a private searcher we found online. Meeting at a little coffee shop on W Main Street was way different than writing letters where you can edit every word. Has anyone else found that meeting in person changes how you talk about the adoption story?

2 comments

2 Comments

logan29928d agoTop Commenter

Oh man, that's huge! I totally get what you mean about the letters versus face to face. I met my birth dad at a Denny's in Tulsa two years ago and it was nothing like the letters we'd been swapping since high school. In letters I could be all thoughtful and polished, but in person I blurted out "you have my nose!" and we both laughed like idiots. The whole adoption story changes when you're sitting there sharing a plate of fries and actually hearing their voice crack on the hard parts. It made everything more real and messy in a good way.

chen.jade27d ago

I read somewhere that these meetings are like watching a movie of your life that got edited differently and you're finally seeing the deleted scenes. Theres this study I saw about how when we write letters we naturally curate ourselves, we pick the best words and leave out the awkward pauses. But sitting across from someone at a diner you get the full unedited version, the stutters, the nervous laughs, the silence when they're trying to find the right thing to say. Thats the real stuff. The fries thing is so true too, sharing food just breaks down all those walls and makes it feel like youve known each other longer than the actual time. It's way messier than the letters but way more honest too.