I had to pick between a closed or open adoption for my son

When I was 19, I had to choose between a fully closed adoption or an open one with letters and pictures. The agency gave me a week to decide. I went with the open option, thinking it would help me heal. For the first three years, I got updates every six months, which was a comfort. But then the family moved and the letters stopped coming, and that was really hard. Has anyone else had an open adoption that went quiet, and how did you handle it?

3 comments

3 Comments

the_barbara20d ago

Read an article once that said some adoptive parents stop updates because they feel guilty about sending them. Like they get worried the birth parent will change their mind or something. The agency I worked with told me to put a clause in the agreement that lets the birth parent reach out first if they want to restart contact. Might be worth checking if your original papers had anything like that.

gonzalez.alice1mo ago

Man, that's so tough. I went with an open adoption too, and the silence after those first few years just hits different, doesn't it? It feels like a door you thought was always going to be cracked open just gets shut without warning. I tried to remind myself that life gets messy for everyone, but it still left a real ache. You're definitely not alone in feeling that way.

leelewis1mo ago

My cousin's adoption agreement had a yearly photo clause. They set a calendar reminder for the birth mom's birthday to send a short update. It kept a line open without pressure.