Chose closed adoption over open and my mom still won't talk about it

When I placed my daughter back in 2016 I had to pick between open and closed adoption. Everyone in my support group said open was the only way to go, that it was healthier for everyone. But I went closed because the adoptive parents lived in Ohio and I was in Texas and I knew I couldn't handle yearly visits without falling apart. It's been 8 years now and my mom acts like the whole thing never happened. She won't say my daughter's name or even acknowledge I was pregnant. I still think it was the right call for me even if my family makes it weird. Has anyone else had relatives pretend the adoption didn't happen?

2 comments

2 Comments

thomas_scott27d ago

You said "everyone in my support group said open was the only way to go" and I just want to gently push back on that a little. Open adoption isn't always the best option for everyone, especially when the birth mom lives far away and knows her limits. I think support groups mean well but sometimes they push one way of doing things like it's the only healthy choice. You knew what you could handle and that matters more than what other people think is right. Your mom pretending it didn't happen is its own separate problem and honestly that sounds harder than the adoption itself in some ways.

troy_murray827d ago

Man, you're making me feel like I overshared at the Thanksgiving dinner table again. Yeah, looking back I can totally see how my support group was pretty much running on a "one size fits all" mentality, like buying jeans online and hoping they fit. I knew deep down that open adoption would've been me trying to keep a plant alive in a closet with no sunlight - just not gonna work. But hey, at least my mom ignoring it gave me plenty of material for awkward holiday conversations, right?